Metanoia…

Vision blinded by love,

Path trailed by your shadow,

Heart scarred by your words,

And trust scraped away by your lies.

Shortening life span,

Irreplaceable by man,

Drenched cheeks and parched throat,

No more can I stay afloat.

Moving on like an autumn leaf,

On a puddle, in a faraway desert.

Blades sharp,

And blood warped,

On the floor framing a heart,

With his initials, as its heart!

Lap-tap lap-tap..

Oh no!! What have I done..

I know it’s marked forever in my arm.

And I..

Love the mark, that still calls you, mine.

Though you have left me,

Before a train,

Waiting.. and waiting,

For the signal to turn green.

 

Serein…..

“……Life can meet love, and love may blow up happy living, but can only love do that?…”

She walked ahead like a doll, amidst the wet sand,

Her messy hair playing with the breeze like a child with a magical wand,

Hands stretched open and out, tearing the flowing wind.

Who was she? Here, at the earliest to be called a morning?

She wasn’t fat nor too skinny. Just a normal woman, no model like clothes or Nike sneakers. She wasn’t filthy, nor pure. Her clothes were loose, hanging over her shoulders and filled with breeze that hit it, seperating it away from her body. Missing were her demeanor of fitness challenges or Instagram posts but why did she have to be on the beach so early?

Serein dropping down slowly, and tenderly.. making her skin shine with blush red, chills running down her body and goosebumps popping up, still she was focussed on something ahead of her.

Her eyes held a blank stare,

And face with expression unaware.

Who was she?

International women’s week!

” she maybe one among guys, and they may be one among her…..”

First of all, I would like to wish you all, belated happy women’s day! I know, I know, I’m late. But I feel this is the right time some of us would take time to read such a post as, maybe the entire WordPress site is filled with women’s day posts.

Woman- a word, that means softness, compassion, kindness, blush, flowers, water and other happy, soft natured things. But if you are a woman, you’re probably going, “Really?” I understand that, because as a woman, I feel the same. As an Indian dynamic youngster, womanhood means many different things to me, but the society I live in, thinks differently. A woman, if you search online, “A man’s girlfriend, lover or wife” is one among the definitions and if you choose to look at pictures, you would find pics of models, who are posing sexily, exposing their back, pouting, or maybe even breasts 😂! The funniest part is finding that adolescent guys look in with the query, “name for woman’s chest”, nowadays being a woman means taking perfect selfies(without filters), having a thigh gap, and having full breasts and butts. Seriously world? What’s wrong with you? Okay, let’s leave it and come back to this later. If you search for wallpaper for girls, you will see all kinds of pink, coffee cups, ribbons, rainbows, cartoon characters, flowers and I’m a princess quotes. If a woman swears, she becomes a whore and if she loves someone she becomes a slut, if she chooses to argue over something wrong she becomes a bitch. If she studies a lot, she becomes a nerd, if she debates well she becomes an arrogant girl and if she doesn’t study, she becomes illiterate bitch and suppose if she doesn’t fight or argue she becomes weak and fragile.

There are a tonne of feminists over here, who just rant over some very popular issue but gets drooly if sex tape is released rather than protecting that female. Still, we can find women here, who blame the girl for getting raped and force her to get married if she reaches 23+ of age. We can still see mothers who ask their girls to cover up and pat their son’s back if he had been laid.

A woman is a human being who is strong, though she gets minimal credit for it; is powerful, though she decides to follow; is lovable, though she argues; and can burn someone easily, though she doesn’t and remains quiet and dies within herself. Flowers aren’t always able to represent woman but she loves them. Women love other colors much more than ‘pink’. All women don’t like coffee and messy buns don’t suit everyone. Selfies are idiotic, we know that but we pose like silly geese for it, and don’t always look like divas. We don’t have bigger, rounder and fuller lips, or breasts or butts(no thigh gap). All of us don’t wear makeup. We go through many more struggles, than men. Not do all of us love playguys. It’s tough to walk with confidence in a place where even women judge other women. We get more depressed, anxious and mood swings than you people, but not do those always mean we are in our period. We feel the same pain when we get hit, or struck by a knife or bitten. Then why do you classify us as the weaker sex? We can lift weights and build our bodies with highly packed muscles( and nerves seen). We can murder and shoot and play baseball and football and volleyball and even wrestly and kickbox. Why are we still the fragile ones? We study alot and even abroad, we travel by ourselves, stay by ourselves, remain single, pay our own tuition and rent and work 24/7. Why are we still the dependant ones?

When there are women suffering from crimes, where do these feminists go? Until an issue gets blown up, why do they remain silent? Why don’t many girls and women fight against bullies but decide to reduce their self love because of it? Who will teach us about sexual, physical al and verbal abuse at a small age to encourage us to come up soon?

Nothing of these sort is done, but women’s day is celebrated online. Everyone are respected in facebook ,snapchat, WhatsApp and other mediums but, catcalled, howled and whistled at when she crosses them.

The achievement of women’s day is yet to be made. A complete change is yet to be witnessed before widespread celebration of nothing but online wishes.

The world needs us to prove ourselves. Give your best from this women’s day week and make sure you have something great to celebrate next year that you feel proud of as a woman or as a group of women. Take an oath and run this race female!! You are yet to reach the destination!

Take care, until then,

A floating petal

Astittv…

‘ sometimes, it feels good to listen to words in different languages…’

The title is a Sanskrit word, that means, ‘existence’. After a weak of monotonous exhaustion of the body and soul by a small virus(Chickenpox), my approach has gotten wider and much detailed. How? Here you go,

I have already had my chicken pox vaccination and had this disease previously (7 years before), apparently the vaccinations fail in our country and sadly, my immunity got vaporized and gave way to see me get slashed up. But that’s not all, three days of adieu to my university classes, I had felt the worse…

Not only did my chickenpox reoccur but, along with it came my depression, as I got improper care and love that a patient should have recieved and with none to talk to and no proper way to spend time. TV got boring minute by minute and so did games. I got frustrated by the smallest of small things and not to forget, the itchy rashes. C’mon, how long can a person sleep, no matter if she is with an illness. And, as usual my brain got struck by its thoughtfulness hammer and I realised that a 5.2 foot creature can be slain by a micro organism that had once lost the battle but returned for a revenge, would you still underestimate a person’s height?  The human brain can quickly understand and fear for something that might be doubtful, it can estimate and diagnose too(which, many a times, are right), would you call someone a stupid guy/gurl? You feel happy about having alotta holidays and then the right next day you regret having the holiday, would you still over estimate what things would turn out as? Feeling bad about a few little unspotted pimples? Be glad that you didn’t have a chickenpox, coz bruh… Your entire body would be pimplish(I just framed that sorry if it’s kinda stupid). You call yourself self controlled? Get left with a caretaker and a phone next to you, and take some days off, let’s see where it ends up!!

Before you get mad at me about the connection between the title and the passage(musings, to be clear). Relate, my dear. It’s the struggle for existence and be proud that you fought a battle today and fulfilled your astittv( as-thi-th-vuh) you are an existing entity and your battling, don’t let your mind ruin this or your life by calling negative ish because…

After all,

Jis tara ke astittv Ko hum sochte hain,

Waheen astittv hum paathe hain!

(Which type of existence we imagine and think about,

That’s exactly how we get it)

 

Amaranthine..

‘ why do try to imitate the sky by changing their colors?’

He sat there,

Admiring his world,

His only life and affair.

She rested there as always,

In peace and warmth with his rays.

But his time had come to an end,

And his day took a bend.

It was his resting phase…

But he wanted to change his ways.

His love for her expanded alot,

As he swelled with longing to stay there itself.

Out came his partner,

Who would guard his love through the rough weather.

Pulling him down forcefully,

As the sun bled on the sky,

Spreading the beautiful color:

Amaranthine….

Incomplete…

‘as I moved closer, I spot the wound down under… This is not where I belong and this is not what I should be like…’

This is my heart, and the words that strongly pulsate throughout within my insides. Sadness and it’s depth kept increasing increasing, paving its path to depression.

Medicines, drugs, suicide, what not? Nothing worked. I missed someone, more of, something. Lost in tragedy my brain went numb. Nothing made sense, blood became a mere liquid and eyes just a tear emitting machine. Counseling, advice, quotes none made me smile,

Until that very second, I saw this beauty. She was independent, and open to all her thoughts, that were submerged deep within herself. None else were as deep as her. She matched the color of her friend, who joined her and completed her journey, yet she had no end. Many tried to complete her and replace her friend but none ever was successful. She seems different to each one of us, she gets angry and shows it up when she has taken more if it.

She was the ‘Ocean’. I saw her far ahead of my eyes, that made it glitter and flutter with happiness. None else gave my heart that place, that fondness. She enveloped me into her embrace when I touched her. She made me gulp for air, she made me long for more of my life. She was my love at first sight. She gave me thoughts that provoked my longing to live. The longing to love, and to embrace.

I was incomplete, and she had completed me. She took many forms- plains, plateaus, valleys, mountain tops, waterfalls, to even small plants, herbs and shrubs that fills the entirety.

Travelling has become my aim and that bloats up my passion to a million times. She has been my starting and will be my end. That’s where I got enlightened and got to know the purpose of my life,

“How did you understand your life’s passion? “