Metanoia…

Vision blinded by love,

Path trailed by your shadow,

Heart scarred by your words,

And trust scraped away by your lies.

Shortening life span,

Irreplaceable by man,

Drenched cheeks and parched throat,

No more can I stay afloat.

Moving on like an autumn leaf,

On a puddle, in a faraway desert.

Blades sharp,

And blood warped,

On the floor framing a heart,

With his initials, as its heart!

Lap-tap lap-tap..

Oh no!! What have I done..

I know it’s marked forever in my arm.

And I..

Love the mark, that still calls you, mine.

Though you have left me,

Before a train,

Waiting.. and waiting,

For the signal to turn green.

 

International women’s week!

” she maybe one among guys, and they may be one among her…..”

First of all, I would like to wish you all, belated happy women’s day! I know, I know, I’m late. But I feel this is the right time some of us would take time to read such a post as, maybe the entire WordPress site is filled with women’s day posts.

Woman- a word, that means softness, compassion, kindness, blush, flowers, water and other happy, soft natured things. But if you are a woman, you’re probably going, “Really?” I understand that, because as a woman, I feel the same. As an Indian dynamic youngster, womanhood means many different things to me, but the society I live in, thinks differently. A woman, if you search online, “A man’s girlfriend, lover or wife” is one among the definitions and if you choose to look at pictures, you would find pics of models, who are posing sexily, exposing their back, pouting, or maybe even breasts 😂! The funniest part is finding that adolescent guys look in with the query, “name for woman’s chest”, nowadays being a woman means taking perfect selfies(without filters), having a thigh gap, and having full breasts and butts. Seriously world? What’s wrong with you? Okay, let’s leave it and come back to this later. If you search for wallpaper for girls, you will see all kinds of pink, coffee cups, ribbons, rainbows, cartoon characters, flowers and I’m a princess quotes. If a woman swears, she becomes a whore and if she loves someone she becomes a slut, if she chooses to argue over something wrong she becomes a bitch. If she studies a lot, she becomes a nerd, if she debates well she becomes an arrogant girl and if she doesn’t study, she becomes illiterate bitch and suppose if she doesn’t fight or argue she becomes weak and fragile.

There are a tonne of feminists over here, who just rant over some very popular issue but gets drooly if sex tape is released rather than protecting that female. Still, we can find women here, who blame the girl for getting raped and force her to get married if she reaches 23+ of age. We can still see mothers who ask their girls to cover up and pat their son’s back if he had been laid.

A woman is a human being who is strong, though she gets minimal credit for it; is powerful, though she decides to follow; is lovable, though she argues; and can burn someone easily, though she doesn’t and remains quiet and dies within herself. Flowers aren’t always able to represent woman but she loves them. Women love other colors much more than ‘pink’. All women don’t like coffee and messy buns don’t suit everyone. Selfies are idiotic, we know that but we pose like silly geese for it, and don’t always look like divas. We don’t have bigger, rounder and fuller lips, or breasts or butts(no thigh gap). All of us don’t wear makeup. We go through many more struggles, than men. Not do all of us love playguys. It’s tough to walk with confidence in a place where even women judge other women. We get more depressed, anxious and mood swings than you people, but not do those always mean we are in our period. We feel the same pain when we get hit, or struck by a knife or bitten. Then why do you classify us as the weaker sex? We can lift weights and build our bodies with highly packed muscles( and nerves seen). We can murder and shoot and play baseball and football and volleyball and even wrestly and kickbox. Why are we still the fragile ones? We study alot and even abroad, we travel by ourselves, stay by ourselves, remain single, pay our own tuition and rent and work 24/7. Why are we still the dependant ones?

When there are women suffering from crimes, where do these feminists go? Until an issue gets blown up, why do they remain silent? Why don’t many girls and women fight against bullies but decide to reduce their self love because of it? Who will teach us about sexual, physical al and verbal abuse at a small age to encourage us to come up soon?

Nothing of these sort is done, but women’s day is celebrated online. Everyone are respected in facebook ,snapchat, WhatsApp and other mediums but, catcalled, howled and whistled at when she crosses them.

The achievement of women’s day is yet to be made. A complete change is yet to be witnessed before widespread celebration of nothing but online wishes.

The world needs us to prove ourselves. Give your best from this women’s day week and make sure you have something great to celebrate next year that you feel proud of as a woman or as a group of women. Take an oath and run this race female!! You are yet to reach the destination!

Take care, until then,

A floating petal

Astittv…

‘ sometimes, it feels good to listen to words in different languages…’

The title is a Sanskrit word, that means, ‘existence’. After a weak of monotonous exhaustion of the body and soul by a small virus(Chickenpox), my approach has gotten wider and much detailed. How? Here you go,

I have already had my chicken pox vaccination and had this disease previously (7 years before), apparently the vaccinations fail in our country and sadly, my immunity got vaporized and gave way to see me get slashed up. But that’s not all, three days of adieu to my university classes, I had felt the worse…

Not only did my chickenpox reoccur but, along with it came my depression, as I got improper care and love that a patient should have recieved and with none to talk to and no proper way to spend time. TV got boring minute by minute and so did games. I got frustrated by the smallest of small things and not to forget, the itchy rashes. C’mon, how long can a person sleep, no matter if she is with an illness. And, as usual my brain got struck by its thoughtfulness hammer and I realised that a 5.2 foot creature can be slain by a micro organism that had once lost the battle but returned for a revenge, would you still underestimate a person’s height?  The human brain can quickly understand and fear for something that might be doubtful, it can estimate and diagnose too(which, many a times, are right), would you call someone a stupid guy/gurl? You feel happy about having alotta holidays and then the right next day you regret having the holiday, would you still over estimate what things would turn out as? Feeling bad about a few little unspotted pimples? Be glad that you didn’t have a chickenpox, coz bruh… Your entire body would be pimplish(I just framed that sorry if it’s kinda stupid). You call yourself self controlled? Get left with a caretaker and a phone next to you, and take some days off, let’s see where it ends up!!

Before you get mad at me about the connection between the title and the passage(musings, to be clear). Relate, my dear. It’s the struggle for existence and be proud that you fought a battle today and fulfilled your astittv( as-thi-th-vuh) you are an existing entity and your battling, don’t let your mind ruin this or your life by calling negative ish because…

After all,

Jis tara ke astittv Ko hum sochte hain,

Waheen astittv hum paathe hain!

(Which type of existence we imagine and think about,

That’s exactly how we get it)

 

Incomplete…

‘as I moved closer, I spot the wound down under… This is not where I belong and this is not what I should be like…’

This is my heart, and the words that strongly pulsate throughout within my insides. Sadness and it’s depth kept increasing increasing, paving its path to depression.

Medicines, drugs, suicide, what not? Nothing worked. I missed someone, more of, something. Lost in tragedy my brain went numb. Nothing made sense, blood became a mere liquid and eyes just a tear emitting machine. Counseling, advice, quotes none made me smile,

Until that very second, I saw this beauty. She was independent, and open to all her thoughts, that were submerged deep within herself. None else were as deep as her. She matched the color of her friend, who joined her and completed her journey, yet she had no end. Many tried to complete her and replace her friend but none ever was successful. She seems different to each one of us, she gets angry and shows it up when she has taken more if it.

She was the ‘Ocean’. I saw her far ahead of my eyes, that made it glitter and flutter with happiness. None else gave my heart that place, that fondness. She enveloped me into her embrace when I touched her. She made me gulp for air, she made me long for more of my life. She was my love at first sight. She gave me thoughts that provoked my longing to live. The longing to love, and to embrace.

I was incomplete, and she had completed me. She took many forms- plains, plateaus, valleys, mountain tops, waterfalls, to even small plants, herbs and shrubs that fills the entirety.

Travelling has become my aim and that bloats up my passion to a million times. She has been my starting and will be my end. That’s where I got enlightened and got to know the purpose of my life,

“How did you understand your life’s passion? “

Hey you!

Hey you! Yes, you. Hi!! Uhm… Seems like you don’t remember me. But I do, how can I forget you? After all, you’ve done so much to me.

Remember the girl, with whom you used to speak all day, all night at the start of your university education? No, not Stella. No not Salma either. The girl whom you’d gift roses everytime you saw her. The girl you were crazy about!! Uh-oh I’m not Samantha, try harder. Do you remember the girl for whom you fought hard with your senior, and returned with bleeding nose and an unconscious opponent? You don’t remember any of that do you?

Oh, you want better clues? Okay. Do you remember that girl with whom your friends loved to play Xbox with? The girl who was set up a destination birthday celebration when she turned 18?

Okay I’ll give you the best clue:

Do you remember the girl, who you and your friends tied up on the table that should supposedly have her birthday presents? The girl that you people stripped out and killed all her confidence of being a girl? The girl whose body you people killed and let to rot, with smile and mocking laughter? The girl you thought would never return? The girl whose body you killed but didn’t stop with only that but proceeded to wipe your fingerprints off with rubbing alcohol, rubbing so much that her fragile body hurt, both inside and out!

Aaah, now a flash of memories flood your eyes. What a delightful look?! You see here? On the pram? These are my kids, I named him after you. You wanna know why? Because I want to raise a better version of you who is completely opposite to who you are. Bring him up with etiquettes that your mother didn’t teach you. The respect for the opposite sex she didn’t instigate within you. At first I was so broke, with so many nightmares, no place to live, no food to eat. Then came up a family, who offered me all that I missed, they called up my home and I returned back, not knowing that I had two little lives inside me. Little did I know where you people had gone. But I knew for sure that you had slashed my heart very very deep.

You changed me completely, a top rank student had gone without university life. Starting her own cafe. Getting so many kicks, while sleeping. But now, I’m thankful to you, that my life has gotten much sweeter. Even though they remind me of you,

I’m proud they wouldn’t be like me or you.

 

Ode #7: In the creative writing competition

I was standing there confused,

As the room seemed unwelcoming to a stranger who didn’t look profuse.

Eye-blinding light that reflected from somewhere..

For what seemed like a picture of a mare.

My eyes drifted to the metal desk,

Which was as lonely and empty as me.

My hands seemed desperate to touch the mare,

That was now a few inches closer than the distance i could stop to care.

Given a sheet of paper and a pen of ink blue,

“What should I write about?” I had no clue.

Should I throw the sheet away?

In a still position it lay.

My palm moving forward to put my brain’s thought,

On the beautiful white sheet, and the words it caught.

The teacher could spot the places my eyes roam,

But couldn’t what my brain did foam.

And before I could blink was given a book,

Before the audience who never knew how I looked….

Tract #4: J for January

“It’s those last days that show us the beauty of moments spent happily”

It’s 31st December, the last day of the year. I don’t know why I am excited to meet 2017 but something tells me that life is about to change. Waking up to a year that’s going to get extinct by tomorrow, a chill runs across my spine. Like a new species will 2017 come into our lives, hugging through all our practice and by the same time next year, we would bid and give way for its extinction. Everything is magical about 2016, the new goals that started to affix themselves in everyone’s brains which were much clearer than the ones framed in the year before. New friends that our eyes and heart found, making us understand how time passes and the strength of old friendships. Pranks played in our lives and others through unnecessary words, silence and kinesics. Lessons learnt, big or small, valuable or not, happy or sad, there stayed in our brains, locked up in its memory garage. To be a little extra poetic, some milk milk turning into curd, and some curds turning into flavored yoghurt whereas some rotting into wastebins, so we’re our relationships and experience. But overall 2016 was surely great, for all, because we should start looking at stars and not at the dirt filled ground  Happy new year ahead!!