Metanoia…

Vision blinded by love,

Path trailed by your shadow,

Heart scarred by your words,

And trust scraped away by your lies.

Shortening life span,

Irreplaceable by man,

Drenched cheeks and parched throat,

No more can I stay afloat.

Moving on like an autumn leaf,

On a puddle, in a faraway desert.

Blades sharp,

And blood warped,

On the floor framing a heart,

With his initials, as its heart!

Lap-tap lap-tap..

Oh no!! What have I done..

I know it’s marked forever in my arm.

And I..

Love the mark, that still calls you, mine.

Though you have left me,

Before a train,

Waiting.. and waiting,

For the signal to turn green.

 

Astittv…

‘ sometimes, it feels good to listen to words in different languages…’

The title is a Sanskrit word, that means, ‘existence’. After a weak of monotonous exhaustion of the body and soul by a small virus(Chickenpox), my approach has gotten wider and much detailed. How? Here you go,

I have already had my chicken pox vaccination and had this disease previously (7 years before), apparently the vaccinations fail in our country and sadly, my immunity got vaporized and gave way to see me get slashed up. But that’s not all, three days of adieu to my university classes, I had felt the worse…

Not only did my chickenpox reoccur but, along with it came my depression, as I got improper care and love that a patient should have recieved and with none to talk to and no proper way to spend time. TV got boring minute by minute and so did games. I got frustrated by the smallest of small things and not to forget, the itchy rashes. C’mon, how long can a person sleep, no matter if she is with an illness. And, as usual my brain got struck by its thoughtfulness hammer and I realised that a 5.2 foot creature can be slain by a micro organism that had once lost the battle but returned for a revenge, would you still underestimate a person’s height? ┬áThe human brain can quickly understand and fear for something that might be doubtful, it can estimate and diagnose too(which, many a times, are right), would you call someone a stupid guy/gurl? You feel happy about having alotta holidays and then the right next day you regret having the holiday, would you still over estimate what things would turn out as? Feeling bad about a few little unspotted pimples? Be glad that you didn’t have a chickenpox, coz bruh… Your entire body would be pimplish(I just framed that sorry if it’s kinda stupid). You call yourself self controlled? Get left with a caretaker and a phone next to you, and take some days off, let’s see where it ends up!!

Before you get mad at me about the connection between the title and the passage(musings, to be clear). Relate, my dear. It’s the struggle for existence and be proud that you fought a battle today and fulfilled your astittv( as-thi-th-vuh) you are an existing entity and your battling, don’t let your mind ruin this or your life by calling negative ish because…

After all,

Jis tara ke astittv Ko hum sochte hain,

Waheen astittv hum paathe hain!

(Which type of existence we imagine and think about,

That’s exactly how we get it)

 

Amaranthine..

‘ why do try to imitate the sky by changing their colors?’

He sat there,

Admiring his world,

His only life and affair.

She rested there as always,

In peace and warmth with his rays.

But his time had come to an end,

And his day took a bend.

It was his resting phase…

But he wanted to change his ways.

His love for her expanded alot,

As he swelled with longing to stay there itself.

Out came his partner,

Who would guard his love through the rough weather.

Pulling him down forcefully,

As the sun bled on the sky,

Spreading the beautiful color:

Amaranthine….

Incomplete…

‘as I moved closer, I spot the wound down under… This is not where I belong and this is not what I should be like…’

This is my heart, and the words that strongly pulsate throughout within my insides. Sadness and it’s depth kept increasing increasing, paving its path to depression.

Medicines, drugs, suicide, what not? Nothing worked. I missed someone, more of, something. Lost in tragedy my brain went numb. Nothing made sense, blood became a mere liquid and eyes just a tear emitting machine. Counseling, advice, quotes none made me smile,

Until that very second, I saw this beauty. She was independent, and open to all her thoughts, that were submerged deep within herself. None else were as deep as her. She matched the color of her friend, who joined her and completed her journey, yet she had no end. Many tried to complete her and replace her friend but none ever was successful. She seems different to each one of us, she gets angry and shows it up when she has taken more if it.

She was the ‘Ocean’. I saw her far ahead of my eyes, that made it glitter and flutter with happiness. None else gave my heart that place, that fondness. She enveloped me into her embrace when I touched her. She made me gulp for air, she made me long for more of my life. She was my love at first sight. She gave me thoughts that provoked my longing to live. The longing to love, and to embrace.

I was incomplete, and she had completed me. She took many forms- plains, plateaus, valleys, mountain tops, waterfalls, to even small plants, herbs and shrubs that fills the entirety.

Travelling has become my aim and that bloats up my passion to a million times. She has been my starting and will be my end. That’s where I got enlightened and got to know the purpose of my life,

“How did you understand your life’s passion? “